Co-authored by Christi Garner, LMFT CYT

Stress around the holidays is a common experience. According to the American Psychological Association, 38% of adults report a significant increase in stress levels during the holidays. Military families may experience additional sources of stress related to the unique challenges of military life, including:

• Deployment of the service member
• Living far from hometowns or families
• Being unable to take leave to travel to be with friends or family
• Financial stress

Utilizing the self-care practices below, along with connecting with a Military and Family Life Counselor (MFLC), can provide much-needed support to service members and their families during the holiday season.

Tips for Navigating the Holidays During Deployment

Sometimes being with family is not possible during the holidays, even when the service member is not deployed. Feeling homesick or missing home during the holidays is very common. Here are some ways to connect with family and friends during deployment:

• Communicate as much as possible; schedule time to connect and virtually exchange presents and stories.
• Think of creative ways to continue family traditions during deployment—reenact them virtually or share through pictures.
• To support children of deployed parents, consider facilitating activities through arts and crafts, such as creating a “feelings tree.”
• Facilitate psychoeducation about mindfulness, which is linked to improve personal stress management.
• Use the Chill Drills app from Military OneSource.

Tips for Handling Holiday Financial Stress

The holidays can be an especially expensive and demanding time. Here are some tips to consider to help plan for common financial pressures:

• Set a S.M.A.R.T money goal—Write down your goal, and make sure it is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Reasonable, and the Time you will complete it. This will help you get it accomplished.
• For more help—Find a Personal Financial Counselor here.

Food Insecurity Resources

Many military families find it difficult to access healthy meals and maintain a high level of food security. Use these resources to connect with viable resources.

• Military OneSource: 24/7 Hotline can make referrals to local food security resources by state: 1-800-342-9647
• USDA National Hunger Hotline: Referrals for food banks and other social services. 1-866-348-6479 (TTY: 711)
• Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP): Provides supplemental assistance for food. Commonly known as food stamps.
• Women, Infants, and Children Program (WIC): Provides supplemental assistance for nutritious foods for pregnant women, infants and children. Also provides referrals for healthcare.
• Feeding America Network of Food Banks: Resources for local food banks and food programs. Resources and eligibility requirements vary by location.
• Food Insecurity in the Military Community (Webinar Replay)
• Casual Inquiry Questions
• CORE Approach Guide
• Food Insecurity Whitepaper: Best practices to support a professional response
• Additional Food Insecurity Resource List

Tips for Holiday Stress Management

Resilience refers to the ability to handle stress when it arises and to protect oneself against future stress. Research has shown that there are many qualities that contribute to resilience, including social support, optimism, sense of humor, spirituality, self-esteem, and adaptability. Use the tips below to foster resilience in your life during the holidays.

Self-Care To Build Resilience

• Self-care also means taking care of yourself. This means eating regular meals, getting enough sleep, caring for personal hygiene, and anything else that maintains good health.
• Make self-care a priority. There will always be other things to do, but don’t let these interrupt the time you set aside for self-care. Self-care should be given the same importance as other responsibilities.
• Make self-care a habit. Just like eating one apple doesn’t eliminate health problems, using self-care just once won’t have much effect on reducing stress. Choose activities that you can do often, and that you will stick with.
• Unhealthy activities don’t count as self-care. Substance use, over-eating, and other unhealthy behaviors might hide stress temporarily, but they cause more problems in the long run.
• A few minutes of self-care is better than no self-care. Set an alarm reminding you to take regular breaks, even if it’s just a walk around the block, or an uninterrupted snack. Oftentimes, stepping away will energize you to work more efficiently when you return.

Relaxation to Build Resilience

• There are many ways to practice relaxation and help to regulate your parasympathetic nervous system. Some ideas: progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, deep breathing, being in nature.
• Plan where relaxation can fit into a daily routine. It may help to set an alarm as a reminder or connect relaxation practice with another activity. For example, practicing deep breathing for 10 minutes before bed or after leaving work on the drive home or in the driveway before going inside.
• Keep practicing even if the positive effects are small. The benefits of relaxation accumulate and grow with practice.
• Relaxation techniques not only provide immediate stress relief, but the effects also generalize to other parts of life. This means the benefits of relaxation continue to be felt long after the exercise is complete. These techniques work best when done regularly and during times of calm, rather than exclusively when stress is at its peak.

Self-Regulation Resources

Military OneSource Recommended Wellness Apps

• Mood Hacker—To help you improve your mood and enjoy life more, Military OneSource offers MoodHacker, a free resilience tool that lets you track, understand and improve how you’re feeling.
• Breathe2Relax—Trains you on the “belly breathing” technique that has proven benefits for your overall mental health. Use the app’s breathing exercises to learn and practice on your own or as part of a stress management program supervised by your health care provider.
• Chill Drills—Chill Drills is a free collection of simple audio mindfulness exercises to relax the body and mind.
• Virtual Hope Box—The app contains simple tools to help users with coping, relaxation, distraction and positive thinking using personalized audio, video, pictures, games, mindfulness exercises, activity planning, inspirational quotes and coping statements.
• Breathe, Think, Do: Sesame Street—Laugh and learn as you help a Sesame Street monster friend calm down and solve everyday challenges. This app helps your child learn Sesame’s Breathe, Think, Do strategy for problem solving.

Stress Relief Resources

• Basics of Belly Breathing
• Veterans Employment Toolkit: Deep Breathing
• Veterans Employment Toolkit: Progressive Muscle Relaxation
• Life in Balance: Stress Relief Webinar
• Mindfulness Meditation Self Care Strategy
• The important part of self-care is not so much what you do—it’s just that you do it. Many of these strategies can be fostered in non-medical counseling. Contact Military OneSource to find your local Military and Family Life Counselor by calling 800-342-9647 or contracting your installation’s Military and Family Support Center. Or learn more online here.

Sources

• Dunham, T. (2022). “When the Tinsel Gets Tangled: How to Cope with Holiday Stress.” DoD Psychological Center for Excellence, Health.mil.
• Rice, V. J., Liu, B., Allison, S. C., & Schroeder, P. J. (2019). Mindfulness training offered in-person and in a virtual world—weekly self-reports of stress, energy, pain, and sleepiness among US military active duty and veteran personnel. Mindfulness,10, 1815-1827.
• Grafton, E., Gillespie, B., & Henderson, S. (2010) Resilience: the power withing. Oncology Nursing forum (Vol. 37, No. 6, p. 698).
• Rash, J. A., Matsuba, M. K., & Prkachin, K. M. (2011). Gratitude and well‐being: Who benefits the most from a gratitude intervention?. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 3(3), 350-369.
• Esch, T., & Stefano, G. B. (2010). The neurobiology of stress management. Neuroendocrinology letters, 31(1), 19-39.
  

  ---

  Christi Garner, LMFT CYT, is a Learning & Development Director at Magellan Federal. Christi has served in the Military and Family Life Counseling (MFLC) program since 2016 in various roles, including CONUS and OCONUS MFLC, Regional Supervisor, and training coordinator. Prior to MFLC, Christi dedicated over 15 years as a trauma therapist, clinical trainer, and adjunct instructor. Christi is a military spouse who is passionate about helping other service members and families.

Walk into any store after Halloween and you more than likely will see the twinkle of holiday lights, trees, and decorations that quickly remind us that the Christmas season is upon us. For some, these reminders are a welcomed sight, and, for others, these reminders may trigger feelings of stress.

One way to help ease stress levels can be by setting healthy boundaries. Magellan Healthcare’s medical director Candice Tate, MD, MBA, shares advice on the importance of setting healthy boundaries during the holiday season.

Q: What are some factors that you feel are adding to stress this holiday season?

Dr. Tate: I think people are still trying to get that pre-pandemic holiday spirit back. People feel overworked and underpaid. Many stressors do not seem to have a deadline or an endpoint. This is also the time when people tend to mourn the loss of loved ones or feel emotional because they are unable to attend family gatherings.

Q: What are the steps to setting healthy boundaries during the holiday season?

Dr. Tate:

1. What are your needs and/or what are your stressors? This first step is important because it is difficult for others to know what you need and what stresses you. This can be effective by focusing on your top five.
2. You should expect resistance from others because your needs may conflict with their needs. This can be a challenging step in establishing boundaries for that reason. This is also challenging because you are imposing a change from past behavior.
3. You must communicate the boundaries and any subsequent changes. This may result in uncomfortable discussions and possibly conflict, but this is a necessary step in establishing boundaries. This is important for the people who will be directly impacted by the changes.
4. You must be consistent with the boundaries and hold yourself accountable. Others may intentionally or unintentionally challenge your new rules and habits. It is important to stand firm and remind others of what has been discussed. For this step, practice makes perfect. The longer you are consistent in reinforcing your boundaries, the more beneficial the boundaries will become.
5. Be prepared to distance yourself if necessary. On occasion someone may wholly reject your boundaries and object to any change. That is okay for them to do, and it is okay for you to distance yourself from the person or the situation. The boundary has been created to provide you with peace of mind and protection.

Q: What are examples of healthy boundaries? Is this important for both adults and children? How so?

Dr. Tate: An example of a healthy boundary during the holidays is setting a budget. Many people are faced with financial challenges due to rising costs of food and gifts. Many people feel that their disposable income has decreased over the past few years. Setting a budget for holiday spending to include gifts, decor, travel, and entertainment is a form of a boundary. Overspending causes anxiety, depression, and relationship problems. A budget can be beneficial for an individual and/or a family. It can be shared electronically or on paper, and it can be discussed with significant others and children. This allows for spending a certain amount, managing expectations, sparking creativity, and establishing new standards for the holidays.

The holiday season is an optimal time to take a social media break as another example. Recent reports in the news highlight how social media harms teenagers and children. Not only is this information not new, but we also know that social media negatively affects adults too. This is an opportunity to disconnect from what others are doing (or pretending to do) and allows you the space to focus on your values and the needs of your family.

There is so much pressure for us to experience a certain type of holiday season that usually includes overspending, indulgence, and being happy about it. Establishing boundaries is an opportunity to show yourself and your children that you can create positive and meaningful memories by doing things that suit your family based on your means and your values.

As we approach the holidays, our minds are filled with to-do lists of people to see, activities to participate in, and events to attend. It’s also a time that many begin thinking of changes they would like to make in the coming year. Sayings such as “New Year, New You” have become embedded in our lexicon, and making resolutions is an annual tradition even though most resolutions are not kept past the end of January (Statista, 2023). While keeping resolutions may not have a high success rate, there is still a way to incorporate change as we head into the new year.

The One Word concept is an alternative approach to making resolutions. Instead of creating a specific goal, you pick a word to focus on the entire year. The word then becomes a filter and guide, helping you to grow in unexpected ways throughout the year.

For example, if you would like to improve your financial stability, you may choose the word, Intention. From there, you would consider how to be intentional with your money and what steps you could take to improve your financial situation. Going deeper, you may start to think about how to be intentional in your daily decisions, the dreams you pursue, and the time you spend as it relates to the financial stability you want to achieve.

Choosing one word to focus on can guide every aspect of your life and because of its simplicity, it is much easier to stick with than a list of resolutions. According to Gordon, Britton, & Page, “One Word creates clarity, power, passion, and life-change. The simple power of One Word is that it impacts all six dimensions of your life – mental, physical, emotional, relational, spiritual, and financial” (Gordon, J., Britton, D., & Page, J., 2023).

For a successful One Word journey, follow these tips.

• Begin by making a list of five to ten possible words.
• Narrow your list to 3-5 words and look up the definitions, synonyms, and antonyms.
• Give yourself about a week to think about the words.
• Choose your word. One may seem to jump out at you, or one may seem to scream “not me”. Any word you choose has the capacity to help you grow if you focus on it for an entire year.
• Make your word visible. Create a poster with your word, definition, and a quote, use the word as a screen saver, get a bracelet or key chain with your word, write it on post it notes, and/or write it in your planner every week.
• Commit to journaling about your word at least once per week using online journal prompts. Focus on how you are implementing your word in your health, finances, spiritual journey, etc.
• Share your journey with a trusted person to help you keep focused.
• Remain open and curious about how your word can apply to every area of your life.
• Write a beginning of the year reflection focusing on how you think your word will change you in different areas. Then write an end of the year summary about what actually happened.
• Enjoy the journey!

Additional One Word resources: https://getoneword.com/ and https://myoneword.org/.

The Military & Family Counseling (MFLC) Child/Youth Behavioral (CYB) Program was created to expand supportive services to military families by providing non-medical counseling opportunities to their children. Magellan offers CYB counseling positions only to independently licensed clinicians who possess education and experience in counseling children in age groups and environments similar to those of their MFLC counseling assignment. CYB MFLC services are utilized frequently. During a one-year period (October 2022 – 2023), Magellan CYB MFLC counselors provided approximately 1,071,000 counseling or consultation sessions focused on child issues.

Military life is complex, challenging, and dynamic. The government and Magellan continue to conduct research and identify new issues impacting military children and families. Best practices continue to emerge or be augmented to address difficulties that may negatively impact military children’s functioning levels and wellbeing. To maintain our commitment to providing the highest level of care for our military children, Magellan has developed a voluntary certificate program for CYB MFLC counselors to:

• Build on foundational knowledge of child development theories and emotional, behavioral, and psychological challenges that may occur in each stage,
• Provide information on challenges unique to military children and how they are manifested in day-to-day living, and
• Enhance knowledge and application of evidence-based protocols to address specific internal and environmental factors that may negatively impact healthy childhood development.

The CYB Professional Certificate program is comprised of two tracks and was designed, sponsored, and administered by Magellan to meet the evolving needs of today’s military youth. MFLC counselors may complete one or both tracks depending on professional development interests and learning needs. Completion certificates are available for each track. All training modules within the program are approved for continuing education units (CEU) for maintaining counselor professional certifications.

The goals of this youth-focused counseling training program are to:

1. Develop healthy military children,
2. Reduce the probability of problem escalation to clinically significant levels and
3. Assure service and family members’ readiness and resilience.

The success of the program is dependent on MFLCs’ abilities to provide developmentally appropriate evidence-based interventions that engage and support military children, their families, and others involved in children’s lives. The CYB Certificate Program enhances the level of expertise among CYB MFLCs and the likelihood of positive outcomes among military children/families, thereby meeting or exceeding program goals and ensuring a resilient, ready military workforce.

Our brains are constantly thinking of things we need to accomplish. There are milestones and deadlines at work. At home, there are responsibilities, friends, and families that deserve our attention. Adding to the normal demands and stressors of life, the holiday season is right around the corner.

The holidays bring connection and joy but also a need for decorations, travel arrangements, and planning. Families strive to truly capitalize on their precious opportunity for leave. Military families with a loved one on deployment are considering how this year may feel a little off and are thinking about what they can do to still make it special.

Managing Demands During the Holidays

Thinking of the many demands upon us, it’s easy to see how the feeling of holiday cheer can be overtaken by unpleasant emotions such as anxiety. We can feel drained as we are trying to navigate a conversation or two while simultaneously taking care of some task. It’s in the depleted, attention-divided state that feeling overwhelmed can occur. While common, this doesn’t need to be the case. Instead of letting the holidays pass you by with a sense of overwhelm, give yourself the present of presence by setting boundaries. Here’s how.

• Identify priorities—When you identify what is most important to you, you can be more intentional about focusing your time, energy, and effort. Prioritize your activities and narrow your focus by considering what you value the most. Whether it’s cooking a special dish, arranging the décor just right, or meaningful conversations with someone, you can focus your time and attention where you most desire.
• Create boundaries—This may seem limiting at first, but boundaries actually create the opportunity to dedicate yourself fully to what you care about most. Setting boundaries means giving yourself permission to say no to events, certain traditions, or just the pressure to do it all. At times, this can be challenging because we may feel like we’re missing out: however, although we are not doing everything, we are able to get more out of the things we do.
• Be in the moment—Once you create boundaries, it will enable you to fully bring yourself to the moment. Your thoughts, energy, and attention are present in the moment; you have a sense of complete engagement in what you’re doing, and a greater sense of awareness in each precise activity. When having a conversation, you are truly listening, empathizing, and being aware of each other’s presence. Whether you agree or disagree on a particular topic, you seek to understand and appreciate that person.

The Value of Being Present

When we are mindful, life’s special moments come alive. Noticing the smirk someone gives. Savoring the flavor of each bite. Basking in the bustling of sounds around. Indulging in the pleasures and joys with abandon. This is where we connect, where we create the bonds and memories that last far longer than anyone’s awareness of how clean the house was that day, if we were five minutes late, or if we forgot that critical dish.

Understanding what we value most and leveraging boundaries to reserve our resources gives us the power to be present in the moments that matter. This is the most precious present we can give others…and ourselves.

Happy Present Holidays!

Bryan Simms, a dedicated professional with 16 years of experience at Magellan Health, serves as the director of proposals. In his role he oversees a team responsible for crafting customized, competitive, and most importantly compliant proposals to meet the unique behavioral health needs of employers. Additionally, Simms serves as the product liaison for iMclusion, an employer diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) solution, where he plays a pivotal role in overseeing product development, driving customer implementation, managing the relationship between Magellan and its vendor, and fostering strategic enhancements to improve product efficiency and the overall customer experience.

Continue reading to learn more about iMclusion, and other ways in which Simms is encouraging DEI initiatives at Magellan and other companies:

What new and innovative projects are you currently working on?

In August 2023 we launched iMclusion which is Magellan’s first DEI solution. It’s designed to help develop inclusive and culturally competent organizations and individuals as well as foster a safe work environment for employees of all backgrounds to feel valued for who they are and what they bring to their organization. Since not every organization is at the same level of DEI readiness, iMclusion is able to assist our customers wherever they are on their DEI journey. We assist customers by first measuring their organizational readiness, meaning their ability to initiate, implement, and maintain a successful DEI program, and providing them with recommendations and deliverables to achieve their desired goals.

We then turn our focus to training with an emphasis on inspiring the employees to positively change their perspectives and create a DEI friendly culture within the organization. We found throughout the research that you can’t mandate DEI or treat it like compliance training because employees could end up viewing it as inauthentic. So, it should be viewed as organic to have any long-term success. Lastly, we guide customers through the establishment of a DEI council and ongoing support. The job of the council is to drive cultural change by creating accountability for the company’s DEI strategy as well as promoting a healthy work environment that fosters engagement and productivity.

I’m also proud to be an inaugural member of Magellan’s DEI council. We’re striving to persistently promote cultural awareness and competency as well as sensitivity across Magellan at every opportunity. We aim to create an environment where every individual feels valued, respected, and empowered. And we do this by cultivating and embracing their unique ideas, talents, and background.

Why is Magellan Health the best place to do these projects?

Magellan has a commitment to total wellbeing as well as valuing outside the box thinking. DEI is not looked at in our industry as a necessary component of a viable behavioral health and wellbeing solution. But Magellan’s willingness to challenge the status quo of what behavioral health and wellbeing looks like fostered the type of innovation that recognizes DEI necessary as a crucial piece to any holistic behavioral health and wellbeing solution.

What are your thoughts on Magellan’s culture? How has that culture impacted your projects?

Magellan promotes an environment of collaborations amongst our many different teams. Diversity of thought increases innovation and improves overall employee satisfaction, all of which allows us to serve our customers better and continues to demonstrate why Magellan is an industry leader in behavioral health.

Giving Tuesday is recognized as the Tuesday after Thanksgiving in the United States, and has recently become a powerful global movement to inspire people to give, collaborate, and celebrate generosity. Here’s how Magellan Federal gives back to the community each and every day. Will you join us in building a better world?

Our Legacy of Service

One of the most unique aspects of Magellan Federal is our non-profit history. The story of our legacy dates back to 1879 through the establishment of a nonprofit organization to care for surviving spouses and children of fallen soldiers. Through the years, many families of fallen soldiers received support regarding military benefits, survivor benefits, and more through this non-profit.

In 2000 the Member Services department of this non-profit spun off and formed a for-profit corporation that embodied the values of giving back, service, and providing the best possible assistance to the military and their families. Armed Forces Services Corporation (AFSC) was born, formed by a Vietnam Veteran Service-Disabled service member whose mission was to expand services to warriors, veterans, and families. As a service-disabled, veteran-owned small business (SDVOSB), AFSC embedded a spirit of service throughout the organization by establishing a “double bottom line” mission to achieve not only business aims but also positive impact. For AFSC, success encompassed improving the lives of service members, veterans, and their families.

Growing Generosity

In 2016, AFSC joined Magellan Health, one of the nation’s largest healthcare companies, to create Magellan Federal, which strengthened the historical mission of AFSC’s service. Today, as Magellan Federal, we continue our legacy of service through our Community Partnership program, which formalizes and promotes activities of service and generosity. Through this program, we have streamlined our actions to support organizations that share our passion for giving back to the military and federal community.

Magellan Federal mobilizes and creates opportunities for employees to engage in volunteerism and philanthropic endeavors in the community. We give all Magellan employees eight hours of volunteer time off annually. As denoted in our values, we care deeply about each other, our customers and the communities we serve. Therefore, if there is something that needs to be done in any of these areas, we believe it is our job to do it. As it was in our inception, so it is today, if there is a need, we endeavor to serve until the need is met. You can view our #MFedCares team member stories on LinkedIn.

Call to Action

On Giving Tuesday—and every day—we invite you to join us in serving and giving back wherever and however you can. Whether it’s some of your time, a donation, or the power of your voice in your local community, no contribution is too small. It will always be our collective engagement to show up and serve that makes the most difference. As stated on GivingTuesday.org, here are some ways to serve:

• Support your local social good organizations, mutual aid networks, and community organizers
• Combat loneliness by reaching out to a relative, seniors, or veterans.
• Do an act of kindness or help a neighbor
• Identify your gifts, pick a cause that gets you fired up, and give back – not just for Giving Tuesday but every day.
• 50 ideas for acts of kindness

Every act of generosity counts and everyone has something to contribute toward building the better world we all want to live in.

This article is co-written by Elizabeth Duprey, LMHC.

Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence, is not about violence; it is about control. It is a pattern of behavior a person uses in a relationship to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Domestic violence is not just physical. It can be sexual, emotional, economic, psychological, and technological. These behaviors intimidate, silence, isolate, and manipulate another person. The common denominator is that all these areas can be used to dominate over another.¹

Domestic violence is a pervasive problem worldwide, including in the United States, and affects approximately 10 million people in the US every year. One in four women and one in nine men are victims of domestic violence. Since 2015, over 100,000 domestic violence cases have been reported in the military. However, most instances are not reported. ²

In addition, domestic violence cases can go unnoticed. Abusers and victims can go to great lengths to keep the abuse a secret for various reasons. Abusers will often engage in tactics such as coercion, threatening, manipulation, physical violence, and more to keep victims from exposing the abuse. On the other hand, victims of domestic violence may feel guilty, ashamed, scared, helpless, and/or hopeless, which can create barriers to exposing the ongoings of the abuse. Recognizing warning signs of domestic violence, understanding barriers to reporting, and dispelling common myths are important steps in helping a victim of domestic violence.

Warning Signs of Domestic Violence Victims

Domestic violence warning signs in the military can often be overlooked due to several factors, such as Permanent Change of Stations (PCSs), limited knowledge of support services, little understanding of healthy relationship counseling/education, financial dynamics within a military family, and limited reporting.

Signs of physical abuse

• Bruises, black eyes, busted lips, marks, sprained wrists
• Excusing aggressive behaviors
• Reports of aggressive behaviors: Yelling, physical violence, having personal property damaged
• Wearing clothes that cover the face, neck, and arms when the weather, cultural, or personal norms cannot better explain it
• Reactivity to loud noises
• Significant absences or tardies to daily activities

Abusers often work to isolate victims, such as by controlling what they do and who they talk to. They may use jealousy or concern as a rationale. Abusers may also prevent victims from getting or keeping a job and/or limit their access to money.

Signs of isolation and mental abuse

• Little access to social network
• Withdraws and isolates self from family and friends
• Cancels appointments or meetings at the last minute
• Drops out of activities they would usually enjoy
• Absenteeism at work
• Limited access to resources: communication devices, money, vehicles
• Checks in often with the abuser; the abuser calls the victim several times to find out about whereabouts

The following warning signs should be considered in context. They indicate something is wrong, and with some more context or in conjunction with the signs listed above, may be a sign of domestic violence.

Other warning signs

• Tired, lethargic, poor sleeping
• Trouble concentrating
• Agitation, anxiety, or constant apprehension
• Depression/sadness
• Feelings of hopelessness
• Low self-worth
• High levels of stress reported related to home life
• Excessive privacy concerning personal life or intimate partner

Barriers to Reporting

Many victims of domestic abuse in the military have reported various barriers to reporting abuse, most notably a lack of confidence that the situation will be dealt with adequately and financial barriers. Other barriers include but are not limited to fear of retaliation, limited access to resources, fear of outcome, lack of counseling services, limited insight into community support services, fear of not being believed, and limited access to legal counsel.

There are some notable differences between the military and civilians regarding reporting domestic violence in the military. With its rule-based system, the military adheres to its chain of command, influencing how domestic violence is reported. Reporting domestic violence in the military has traditionally allowed commanding officers the responsibility to address domestic violence reports with judicial administrative or other types of punishments for both domestic abuse and violence. Although corrective action is directed at the abuser, it can often negatively impact the victim, creating more difficulties for the victim than the intended support. One of the most significant reported barriers is the victim’s concerns over the financial impact due to most military families being single-income families. ³

Domestic Violence Myths

Dispelling myths about domestic violence can help remove some of the obstacles to helping.

1. MYTH: There is a typical profile for a domestic violence victim.  

FACT: Anyone can be a victim, regardless of age, background, community, education, military rank, culture, ethnicity, sex, ability, etc. That said, women are more likely to be victims. In the military, victims are more likely to be women and civilian spouses of active-duty personnel.⁴

2. MYTH: Victims lack self-confidence and are too weak to stand up for themselves or escape the situation.

FACT: Power and control behaviors can be hard to notice at the beginning of a relationship and may not be apparent at all. Over time, the abuser seeks increasing control, and due to the reasoning and rationale offered for the abuser’s actions (manipulation and gaslighting), victims may not recognize it, may dismiss it, or may believe it is themselves that needs to change. In this way, even the strongest and most confident people can become victims.

3. MYTH: Victims behave in a way that leads to violence against them. 

FACT: Remember that domestic abuse is not about violence but about power and control. Due to the dynamic of power and control, violence in relationships is never equal. One person is always the primary source of power, control, and abuse. Victims who fight back or even instigate violence do so as a result of this unequal dynamic or may be trying to diffuse a situation. However, the abuser may use instances of this behavior to blame the victim and defend abusive retaliation.

4. MYTH: If the abuse were bad, the victim would report it or leave.

FACT: The most violent outbursts and anger often occur when victims seek freedom, such as defending themselves, asking for more access to resources, countering manipulative reasoning, or trying to escape.  Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous; 75% of domestic violence-related homicides occur at that time.⁵

As long as the victim is passively agreeing with the parameters and perceptions of the abuser, the relationship will be smooth.  But when abusers perceive they are losing control of the intimate partner, they may escalate violent behavior in an attempt to regain power.  When there are children involved, the question of leaving becomes more complicated.  Some abusers threaten to hurt the children.

5. MYTH: Reporting abuse or leaving may be dangerous, but the victim may also not accurately perceive the abuse as bad as it is. 

FACT: Because of the slow and manipulative nature of emotional and psychological abuse, victims may believe they are the problem or excuse the abuser’s behavior. After particularly violent behaviors, when both parties know a line has been crossed, the abuser often shows remorse, promises change, and attempts to cater to the victim for a while. The victim may believe the relationship is improving, be reminded of why they fell in love with the other to begin with, and often negate thoughts of reporting or leaving during those times.

How to Help a Victim of Domestic Violence

Military OneSource

The military recognizes the negative impact of domestic violence and has been working to address the issue in various ways. The military notes that more must be done to support victims. In 2021, the Department of Airforce (DAF) noted an objective to create more “confidence in leadership and enhance survivor support capabilities.” They have taken a sharp stance, stating, “There is no place in our Air and Space Forces for domestic violence or interpersonal violence in any form.” DAF notes that they will explore the implementation of various support services to promote the trust and needs of victims. DAF reports wanting to “make improvements to the application process for transitional compensation for abused dependents, which in certain circumstances provides economic support, medical, and on-base, privileges to eligible survivors of domestic violence.”

The U.S. Army has identified the importance of comprehensive assistance for victims of domestic abuse, crisis intervention, risk assessment, safety planning, medical treatment support, counsel on legal rights and Judicial proceedings, and resources and referrals to local community support centers. Other military branches have also taken on the responsibility to make changes that will allow ease of reporting, confidence that action will be taken, and supporting victims.

Magellan Federal Solutions and Support

Magellan Federal’s assists the Department of Defense in delivering the Military Family Life Counseling Program (MFLC). Magellan Federal counselors are embedded at various installations and schools nationwide and overseas to offer non-medical psychoeducation, consultation, and referrals to service members and their families. In the schools, they teach about healthy relationships to youth so that they can recognize signs of abuse before entering a committed relationship. With service members and spouses, the MFLC program supports resiliency and healthy relationships; MFLCs teach emotion regulation, communication, conflict management, and decision-making strategies that have been shown to impact relationships and reduce domestic abuse positively (RAND Study, 2021). Moreover, Magellan Federal is proud to offer pilot programs in partnership with the MFLC program that directly supports couples and family resiliency.

A large-scale study by RAND Corporation suggested that the Armed Services can benefit in reducing and preventing domestic violence by focusing on awareness, support, education, diversification of services, and more emphasis on identifying risk factors. They also noted “the importance of having other organizations outside of FAP help in supporting Domestic violence victims.” The MFLC program is one of those other organizations. Magellan Federal MFLCs can provide psychoeducation to prevent military dependents and single service members from entering abusive relationships, and they are well-trained on risk factors and identification of domestic abuse, making them an excellent resource for intervention.

Tips for Helping a Victim of Domestic Violence

Historically, the general public’s view of domestic violence is that conflicts between a couple are personal, and it is not appropriate to intervene. As we learn more about the power dynamics and how difficult it is to get out of this situation by oneself, it becomes clear that we must dispel this notion and learn how to help.

1. Increase your situational awareness by learning the warning signs and dispelling myths.

• If you see something, don’t be afraid to communicate concern respectfully: “I am concerned about your safety….”, “I am noticing…”

2. Support the victim with respect.

• Be supportive, letting them know they are valuable and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.
• Listen without judgment. Be patient, kind, and respectful. Understand that the victim may have ambivalent feelings due to the illusion that it is getting better during periods of peace. Alternatively, the reality of the abuse, especially if it is verbal or emotional, may not be readily evident to the victim. There may also be fear of retaliation or change. On average, a victim of domestic violence will leave the abuser and return approximately seven times before completely breaking away from that relationship.
• Offer supportive words such as “This is not your fault…” “I believe you.”

3. Be familiar with local and federal resources.

• Help a victim connect to local domestic violence support and learn about the local domestic violence centers near you. Some domestic violence centers will offer free Mental Health counseling services for victims of domestic violence.
• Connecting the victim to local resources. Providing resources such as case management can be an integral part of ending domestic violence. Victims often don’t have access to finances, personal documentation, clothing, housing, or other important resources.
• Safety planning with an advocate, domestic violence therapist, or case manager.

There is still work to be done to break down the perceived barriers to reporting in the military. Since domestic violence is about one person seeking power over another, help from community sources is imperative for the safety and wellbeing of the victim. The military has made great strides in addressing the problem of domestic violence through implementing more resources and engaging in victim support, including Military OneSource and the Military Family Advocacy Program. Magellan Federal is proud to help those impacted by domestic violence by delivering our expertise through our victim advocacy and family support services. Together with the government, our programs add an extra layer of protection, intervention, and prevention from domestic violence for our service members so that they may be empowered to take action to improve their overall wellbeing.

References:

1. https://www.justice.gov/ovw/domestic-violence
2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK499891/
3. https://www.military.com/
4. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. https://ncadv.org/
5. https://stoprelationshipabuse.org/educated/barriers-to-leaving-an-abusive-relationship/
6. Kendall, Frank. (January 23, 25, 2023). [Letter from Secretary of Defense Frank Kendall to Department of the Air Force (DAF), 2023]. Retrieved from https://www.af.mil/Portals/1/documents/2023SAF/PolicyUpdates/Domestic_Violence_Message_to_the_Force.pdf
7. Miller, Laura L., Dmitry Khodyakov, Joachim O. Hero, Lisa Wagner, Coreen Farris, Katie Feistel, Emily Dao, Julia Rollison, Rosemary Li, Jamie Ryan, Stephanie Brooks Holliday, Laurie T. Martin, and Amy L. Shearer, Domestic Abuse in the Armed Forces: Improving Prevention and Outreach,RAND Corporation, RR-A1550-1, 2023. As of October 4, 2023: https://www.rand.org/pubs/research_reports/RRA1550-1.html

Elizabeth Duprey, LMHC, is a MacDill regional supervisor and has been with Magellan Federal since 2020, when she started as a school MFLC. Born in Fayetteville, NC, Elizabeth was a “military BRAT” who traveled with her family and even lived overseas. Elizabeth is passionate about providing MFLC services to our service member and their families, as she understands the pressures of military life. Elizabeth received a bachelor’s degree in psychology from Florida Atlantic University and a Master’s in Counselor Education from Florida Atlantic University before becoming a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. With a great passion for helping people, Elizabeth has worked in the field of domestic violence, substance abuse, and juvenile rehabilitation. She now has the honor of working to provide support for military service members and their families.

In her free time, Elizabeth enjoys traveling and photography. She notes both traveling and photography allow her to see the world from a different perspective and to gain a greater appreciation for the differences that make people and places special.