Co-authored by Christi Garner, LMFT CYT

Stress around the holidays is a common experience. According to the American Psychological Association, 38% of adults report a significant increase in stress levels during the holidays. Military families may experience additional sources of stress related to the unique challenges of military life, including:

• Deployment of the service member
• Living far from hometowns or families
• Being unable to take leave to travel to be with friends or family
• Financial stress

Utilizing the self-care practices below, along with connecting with a Military and Family Life Counselor (MFLC), can provide much-needed support to service members and their families during the holiday season.

Tips for Navigating the Holidays During Deployment

Sometimes being with family is not possible during the holidays, even when the service member is not deployed. Feeling homesick or missing home during the holidays is very common. Here are some ways to connect with family and friends during deployment:

• Communicate as much as possible; schedule time to connect and virtually exchange presents and stories.
• Think of creative ways to continue family traditions during deployment—reenact them virtually or share through pictures.
• To support children of deployed parents, consider facilitating activities through arts and crafts, such as creating a “feelings tree.”
• Facilitate psychoeducation about mindfulness, which is linked to improve personal stress management.
• Use the Chill Drills app from Military OneSource.

Tips for Handling Holiday Financial Stress

The holidays can be an especially expensive and demanding time. Here are some tips to consider to help plan for common financial pressures:

• Set a S.M.A.R.T money goal—Write down your goal, and make sure it is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Reasonable, and the Time you will complete it. This will help you get it accomplished.
• For more help—Find a Personal Financial Counselor here.

Food Insecurity Resources

Many military families find it difficult to access healthy meals and maintain a high level of food security. Use these resources to connect with viable resources.

• Military OneSource: 24/7 Hotline can make referrals to local food security resources by state: 1-800-342-9647
• USDA National Hunger Hotline: Referrals for food banks and other social services. 1-866-348-6479 (TTY: 711)
• Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP): Provides supplemental assistance for food. Commonly known as food stamps.
• Women, Infants, and Children Program (WIC): Provides supplemental assistance for nutritious foods for pregnant women, infants and children. Also provides referrals for healthcare.
• Feeding America Network of Food Banks: Resources for local food banks and food programs. Resources and eligibility requirements vary by location.
• Food Insecurity in the Military Community (Webinar Replay)
• Casual Inquiry Questions
• CORE Approach Guide
• Food Insecurity Whitepaper: Best practices to support a professional response
• Additional Food Insecurity Resource List

Tips for Holiday Stress Management

Resilience refers to the ability to handle stress when it arises and to protect oneself against future stress. Research has shown that there are many qualities that contribute to resilience, including social support, optimism, sense of humor, spirituality, self-esteem, and adaptability. Use the tips below to foster resilience in your life during the holidays.

Self-Care To Build Resilience

• Self-care also means taking care of yourself. This means eating regular meals, getting enough sleep, caring for personal hygiene, and anything else that maintains good health.
• Make self-care a priority. There will always be other things to do, but don’t let these interrupt the time you set aside for self-care. Self-care should be given the same importance as other responsibilities.
• Make self-care a habit. Just like eating one apple doesn’t eliminate health problems, using self-care just once won’t have much effect on reducing stress. Choose activities that you can do often, and that you will stick with.
• Unhealthy activities don’t count as self-care. Substance use, over-eating, and other unhealthy behaviors might hide stress temporarily, but they cause more problems in the long run.
• A few minutes of self-care is better than no self-care. Set an alarm reminding you to take regular breaks, even if it’s just a walk around the block, or an uninterrupted snack. Oftentimes, stepping away will energize you to work more efficiently when you return.

Relaxation to Build Resilience

• There are many ways to practice relaxation and help to regulate your parasympathetic nervous system. Some ideas: progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, deep breathing, being in nature.
• Plan where relaxation can fit into a daily routine. It may help to set an alarm as a reminder or connect relaxation practice with another activity. For example, practicing deep breathing for 10 minutes before bed or after leaving work on the drive home or in the driveway before going inside.
• Keep practicing even if the positive effects are small. The benefits of relaxation accumulate and grow with practice.
• Relaxation techniques not only provide immediate stress relief, but the effects also generalize to other parts of life. This means the benefits of relaxation continue to be felt long after the exercise is complete. These techniques work best when done regularly and during times of calm, rather than exclusively when stress is at its peak.

Self-Regulation Resources

Military OneSource Recommended Wellness Apps

• Mood Hacker—To help you improve your mood and enjoy life more, Military OneSource offers MoodHacker, a free resilience tool that lets you track, understand and improve how you’re feeling.
• Breathe2Relax—Trains you on the “belly breathing” technique that has proven benefits for your overall mental health. Use the app’s breathing exercises to learn and practice on your own or as part of a stress management program supervised by your health care provider.
• Chill Drills—Chill Drills is a free collection of simple audio mindfulness exercises to relax the body and mind.
• Virtual Hope Box—The app contains simple tools to help users with coping, relaxation, distraction and positive thinking using personalized audio, video, pictures, games, mindfulness exercises, activity planning, inspirational quotes and coping statements.
• Breathe, Think, Do: Sesame Street—Laugh and learn as you help a Sesame Street monster friend calm down and solve everyday challenges. This app helps your child learn Sesame’s Breathe, Think, Do strategy for problem solving.

Stress Relief Resources

• Basics of Belly Breathing
• Veterans Employment Toolkit: Deep Breathing
• Veterans Employment Toolkit: Progressive Muscle Relaxation
• Life in Balance: Stress Relief Webinar
• Mindfulness Meditation Self Care Strategy
• The important part of self-care is not so much what you do—it’s just that you do it. Many of these strategies can be fostered in non-medical counseling. Contact Military OneSource to find your local Military and Family Life Counselor by calling 800-342-9647 or contracting your installation’s Military and Family Support Center. Or learn more online here.

Sources

• Dunham, T. (2022). “When the Tinsel Gets Tangled: How to Cope with Holiday Stress.” DoD Psychological Center for Excellence, Health.mil.
• Rice, V. J., Liu, B., Allison, S. C., & Schroeder, P. J. (2019). Mindfulness training offered in-person and in a virtual world—weekly self-reports of stress, energy, pain, and sleepiness among US military active duty and veteran personnel. Mindfulness,10, 1815-1827.
• Grafton, E., Gillespie, B., & Henderson, S. (2010) Resilience: the power withing. Oncology Nursing forum (Vol. 37, No. 6, p. 698).
• Rash, J. A., Matsuba, M. K., & Prkachin, K. M. (2011). Gratitude and well‐being: Who benefits the most from a gratitude intervention?. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 3(3), 350-369.
• Esch, T., & Stefano, G. B. (2010). The neurobiology of stress management. Neuroendocrinology letters, 31(1), 19-39.
  

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  Christi Garner, LMFT CYT, is a Learning & Development Director at Magellan Federal. Christi has served in the Military and Family Life Counseling (MFLC) program since 2016 in various roles, including CONUS and OCONUS MFLC, Regional Supervisor, and training coordinator. Prior to MFLC, Christi dedicated over 15 years as a trauma therapist, clinical trainer, and adjunct instructor. Christi is a military spouse who is passionate about helping other service members and families.

The Military & Family Counseling (MFLC) Child/Youth Behavioral (CYB) Program was created to expand supportive services to military families by providing non-medical counseling opportunities to their children. Magellan offers CYB counseling positions only to independently licensed clinicians who possess education and experience in counseling children in age groups and environments similar to those of their MFLC counseling assignment. CYB MFLC services are utilized frequently. During a one-year period (October 2022 – 2023), Magellan CYB MFLC counselors provided approximately 1,071,000 counseling or consultation sessions focused on child issues.

Military life is complex, challenging, and dynamic. The government and Magellan continue to conduct research and identify new issues impacting military children and families. Best practices continue to emerge or be augmented to address difficulties that may negatively impact military children’s functioning levels and wellbeing. To maintain our commitment to providing the highest level of care for our military children, Magellan has developed a voluntary certificate program for CYB MFLC counselors to:

• Build on foundational knowledge of child development theories and emotional, behavioral, and psychological challenges that may occur in each stage,
• Provide information on challenges unique to military children and how they are manifested in day-to-day living, and
• Enhance knowledge and application of evidence-based protocols to address specific internal and environmental factors that may negatively impact healthy childhood development.

The CYB Professional Certificate program is comprised of two tracks and was designed, sponsored, and administered by Magellan to meet the evolving needs of today’s military youth. MFLC counselors may complete one or both tracks depending on professional development interests and learning needs. Completion certificates are available for each track. All training modules within the program are approved for continuing education units (CEU) for maintaining counselor professional certifications.

The goals of this youth-focused counseling training program are to:

1. Develop healthy military children,
2. Reduce the probability of problem escalation to clinically significant levels and
3. Assure service and family members’ readiness and resilience.

The success of the program is dependent on MFLCs’ abilities to provide developmentally appropriate evidence-based interventions that engage and support military children, their families, and others involved in children’s lives. The CYB Certificate Program enhances the level of expertise among CYB MFLCs and the likelihood of positive outcomes among military children/families, thereby meeting or exceeding program goals and ensuring a resilient, ready military workforce.

Giving Tuesday is recognized as the Tuesday after Thanksgiving in the United States, and has recently become a powerful global movement to inspire people to give, collaborate, and celebrate generosity. Here’s how Magellan Federal gives back to the community each and every day. Will you join us in building a better world?

Our Legacy of Service

One of the most unique aspects of Magellan Federal is our non-profit history. The story of our legacy dates back to 1879 through the establishment of a nonprofit organization to care for surviving spouses and children of fallen soldiers. Through the years, many families of fallen soldiers received support regarding military benefits, survivor benefits, and more through this non-profit.

In 2000 the Member Services department of this non-profit spun off and formed a for-profit corporation that embodied the values of giving back, service, and providing the best possible assistance to the military and their families. Armed Forces Services Corporation (AFSC) was born, formed by a Vietnam Veteran Service-Disabled service member whose mission was to expand services to warriors, veterans, and families. As a service-disabled, veteran-owned small business (SDVOSB), AFSC embedded a spirit of service throughout the organization by establishing a “double bottom line” mission to achieve not only business aims but also positive impact. For AFSC, success encompassed improving the lives of service members, veterans, and their families.

Growing Generosity

In 2016, AFSC joined Magellan Health, one of the nation’s largest healthcare companies, to create Magellan Federal, which strengthened the historical mission of AFSC’s service. Today, as Magellan Federal, we continue our legacy of service through our Community Partnership program, which formalizes and promotes activities of service and generosity. Through this program, we have streamlined our actions to support organizations that share our passion for giving back to the military and federal community.

Magellan Federal mobilizes and creates opportunities for employees to engage in volunteerism and philanthropic endeavors in the community. We give all Magellan employees eight hours of volunteer time off annually. As denoted in our values, we care deeply about each other, our customers and the communities we serve. Therefore, if there is something that needs to be done in any of these areas, we believe it is our job to do it. As it was in our inception, so it is today, if there is a need, we endeavor to serve until the need is met. You can view our #MFedCares team member stories on LinkedIn.

Call to Action

On Giving Tuesday—and every day—we invite you to join us in serving and giving back wherever and however you can. Whether it’s some of your time, a donation, or the power of your voice in your local community, no contribution is too small. It will always be our collective engagement to show up and serve that makes the most difference. As stated on GivingTuesday.org, here are some ways to serve:

• Support your local social good organizations, mutual aid networks, and community organizers
• Combat loneliness by reaching out to a relative, seniors, or veterans.
• Do an act of kindness or help a neighbor
• Identify your gifts, pick a cause that gets you fired up, and give back – not just for Giving Tuesday but every day.
• 50 ideas for acts of kindness

Every act of generosity counts and everyone has something to contribute toward building the better world we all want to live in.

This article is co-written by Elizabeth Duprey, LMHC.

Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence, is not about violence; it is about control. It is a pattern of behavior a person uses in a relationship to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Domestic violence is not just physical. It can be sexual, emotional, economic, psychological, and technological. These behaviors intimidate, silence, isolate, and manipulate another person. The common denominator is that all these areas can be used to dominate over another.¹

Domestic violence is a pervasive problem worldwide, including in the United States, and affects approximately 10 million people in the US every year. One in four women and one in nine men are victims of domestic violence. Since 2015, over 100,000 domestic violence cases have been reported in the military. However, most instances are not reported. ²

In addition, domestic violence cases can go unnoticed. Abusers and victims can go to great lengths to keep the abuse a secret for various reasons. Abusers will often engage in tactics such as coercion, threatening, manipulation, physical violence, and more to keep victims from exposing the abuse. On the other hand, victims of domestic violence may feel guilty, ashamed, scared, helpless, and/or hopeless, which can create barriers to exposing the ongoings of the abuse. Recognizing warning signs of domestic violence, understanding barriers to reporting, and dispelling common myths are important steps in helping a victim of domestic violence.

Warning Signs of Domestic Violence Victims

Domestic violence warning signs in the military can often be overlooked due to several factors, such as Permanent Change of Stations (PCSs), limited knowledge of support services, little understanding of healthy relationship counseling/education, financial dynamics within a military family, and limited reporting.

Signs of physical abuse

• Bruises, black eyes, busted lips, marks, sprained wrists
• Excusing aggressive behaviors
• Reports of aggressive behaviors: Yelling, physical violence, having personal property damaged
• Wearing clothes that cover the face, neck, and arms when the weather, cultural, or personal norms cannot better explain it
• Reactivity to loud noises
• Significant absences or tardies to daily activities

Abusers often work to isolate victims, such as by controlling what they do and who they talk to. They may use jealousy or concern as a rationale. Abusers may also prevent victims from getting or keeping a job and/or limit their access to money.

Signs of isolation and mental abuse

• Little access to social network
• Withdraws and isolates self from family and friends
• Cancels appointments or meetings at the last minute
• Drops out of activities they would usually enjoy
• Absenteeism at work
• Limited access to resources: communication devices, money, vehicles
• Checks in often with the abuser; the abuser calls the victim several times to find out about whereabouts

The following warning signs should be considered in context. They indicate something is wrong, and with some more context or in conjunction with the signs listed above, may be a sign of domestic violence.

Other warning signs

• Tired, lethargic, poor sleeping
• Trouble concentrating
• Agitation, anxiety, or constant apprehension
• Depression/sadness
• Feelings of hopelessness
• Low self-worth
• High levels of stress reported related to home life
• Excessive privacy concerning personal life or intimate partner

Barriers to Reporting

Many victims of domestic abuse in the military have reported various barriers to reporting abuse, most notably a lack of confidence that the situation will be dealt with adequately and financial barriers. Other barriers include but are not limited to fear of retaliation, limited access to resources, fear of outcome, lack of counseling services, limited insight into community support services, fear of not being believed, and limited access to legal counsel.

There are some notable differences between the military and civilians regarding reporting domestic violence in the military. With its rule-based system, the military adheres to its chain of command, influencing how domestic violence is reported. Reporting domestic violence in the military has traditionally allowed commanding officers the responsibility to address domestic violence reports with judicial administrative or other types of punishments for both domestic abuse and violence. Although corrective action is directed at the abuser, it can often negatively impact the victim, creating more difficulties for the victim than the intended support. One of the most significant reported barriers is the victim’s concerns over the financial impact due to most military families being single-income families. ³

Domestic Violence Myths

Dispelling myths about domestic violence can help remove some of the obstacles to helping.

1. MYTH: There is a typical profile for a domestic violence victim.  

FACT: Anyone can be a victim, regardless of age, background, community, education, military rank, culture, ethnicity, sex, ability, etc. That said, women are more likely to be victims. In the military, victims are more likely to be women and civilian spouses of active-duty personnel.⁴

2. MYTH: Victims lack self-confidence and are too weak to stand up for themselves or escape the situation.

FACT: Power and control behaviors can be hard to notice at the beginning of a relationship and may not be apparent at all. Over time, the abuser seeks increasing control, and due to the reasoning and rationale offered for the abuser’s actions (manipulation and gaslighting), victims may not recognize it, may dismiss it, or may believe it is themselves that needs to change. In this way, even the strongest and most confident people can become victims.

3. MYTH: Victims behave in a way that leads to violence against them. 

FACT: Remember that domestic abuse is not about violence but about power and control. Due to the dynamic of power and control, violence in relationships is never equal. One person is always the primary source of power, control, and abuse. Victims who fight back or even instigate violence do so as a result of this unequal dynamic or may be trying to diffuse a situation. However, the abuser may use instances of this behavior to blame the victim and defend abusive retaliation.

4. MYTH: If the abuse were bad, the victim would report it or leave.

FACT: The most violent outbursts and anger often occur when victims seek freedom, such as defending themselves, asking for more access to resources, countering manipulative reasoning, or trying to escape.  Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous; 75% of domestic violence-related homicides occur at that time.⁵

As long as the victim is passively agreeing with the parameters and perceptions of the abuser, the relationship will be smooth.  But when abusers perceive they are losing control of the intimate partner, they may escalate violent behavior in an attempt to regain power.  When there are children involved, the question of leaving becomes more complicated.  Some abusers threaten to hurt the children.

5. MYTH: Reporting abuse or leaving may be dangerous, but the victim may also not accurately perceive the abuse as bad as it is. 

FACT: Because of the slow and manipulative nature of emotional and psychological abuse, victims may believe they are the problem or excuse the abuser’s behavior. After particularly violent behaviors, when both parties know a line has been crossed, the abuser often shows remorse, promises change, and attempts to cater to the victim for a while. The victim may believe the relationship is improving, be reminded of why they fell in love with the other to begin with, and often negate thoughts of reporting or leaving during those times.

How to Help a Victim of Domestic Violence

Military OneSource

The military recognizes the negative impact of domestic violence and has been working to address the issue in various ways. The military notes that more must be done to support victims. In 2021, the Department of Airforce (DAF) noted an objective to create more “confidence in leadership and enhance survivor support capabilities.” They have taken a sharp stance, stating, “There is no place in our Air and Space Forces for domestic violence or interpersonal violence in any form.” DAF notes that they will explore the implementation of various support services to promote the trust and needs of victims. DAF reports wanting to “make improvements to the application process for transitional compensation for abused dependents, which in certain circumstances provides economic support, medical, and on-base, privileges to eligible survivors of domestic violence.”

The U.S. Army has identified the importance of comprehensive assistance for victims of domestic abuse, crisis intervention, risk assessment, safety planning, medical treatment support, counsel on legal rights and Judicial proceedings, and resources and referrals to local community support centers. Other military branches have also taken on the responsibility to make changes that will allow ease of reporting, confidence that action will be taken, and supporting victims.

Magellan Federal Solutions and Support

Magellan Federal’s assists the Department of Defense in delivering the Military Family Life Counseling Program (MFLC). Magellan Federal counselors are embedded at various installations and schools nationwide and overseas to offer non-medical psychoeducation, consultation, and referrals to service members and their families. In the schools, they teach about healthy relationships to youth so that they can recognize signs of abuse before entering a committed relationship. With service members and spouses, the MFLC program supports resiliency and healthy relationships; MFLCs teach emotion regulation, communication, conflict management, and decision-making strategies that have been shown to impact relationships and reduce domestic abuse positively (RAND Study, 2021). Moreover, Magellan Federal is proud to offer pilot programs in partnership with the MFLC program that directly supports couples and family resiliency.

A large-scale study by RAND Corporation suggested that the Armed Services can benefit in reducing and preventing domestic violence by focusing on awareness, support, education, diversification of services, and more emphasis on identifying risk factors. They also noted “the importance of having other organizations outside of FAP help in supporting Domestic violence victims.” The MFLC program is one of those other organizations. Magellan Federal MFLCs can provide psychoeducation to prevent military dependents and single service members from entering abusive relationships, and they are well-trained on risk factors and identification of domestic abuse, making them an excellent resource for intervention.

Tips for Helping a Victim of Domestic Violence

Historically, the general public’s view of domestic violence is that conflicts between a couple are personal, and it is not appropriate to intervene. As we learn more about the power dynamics and how difficult it is to get out of this situation by oneself, it becomes clear that we must dispel this notion and learn how to help.

1. Increase your situational awareness by learning the warning signs and dispelling myths.

• If you see something, don’t be afraid to communicate concern respectfully: “I am concerned about your safety….”, “I am noticing…”

2. Support the victim with respect.

• Be supportive, letting them know they are valuable and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.
• Listen without judgment. Be patient, kind, and respectful. Understand that the victim may have ambivalent feelings due to the illusion that it is getting better during periods of peace. Alternatively, the reality of the abuse, especially if it is verbal or emotional, may not be readily evident to the victim. There may also be fear of retaliation or change. On average, a victim of domestic violence will leave the abuser and return approximately seven times before completely breaking away from that relationship.
• Offer supportive words such as “This is not your fault…” “I believe you.”

3. Be familiar with local and federal resources.

• Help a victim connect to local domestic violence support and learn about the local domestic violence centers near you. Some domestic violence centers will offer free Mental Health counseling services for victims of domestic violence.
• Connecting the victim to local resources. Providing resources such as case management can be an integral part of ending domestic violence. Victims often don’t have access to finances, personal documentation, clothing, housing, or other important resources.
• Safety planning with an advocate, domestic violence therapist, or case manager.

There is still work to be done to break down the perceived barriers to reporting in the military. Since domestic violence is about one person seeking power over another, help from community sources is imperative for the safety and wellbeing of the victim. The military has made great strides in addressing the problem of domestic violence through implementing more resources and engaging in victim support, including Military OneSource and the Military Family Advocacy Program. Magellan Federal is proud to help those impacted by domestic violence by delivering our expertise through our victim advocacy and family support services. Together with the government, our programs add an extra layer of protection, intervention, and prevention from domestic violence for our service members so that they may be empowered to take action to improve their overall wellbeing.

References:

1. https://www.justice.gov/ovw/domestic-violence
2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK499891/
3. https://www.military.com/
4. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. https://ncadv.org/
5. https://stoprelationshipabuse.org/educated/barriers-to-leaving-an-abusive-relationship/
6. Kendall, Frank. (January 23, 25, 2023). [Letter from Secretary of Defense Frank Kendall to Department of the Air Force (DAF), 2023]. Retrieved from https://www.af.mil/Portals/1/documents/2023SAF/PolicyUpdates/Domestic_Violence_Message_to_the_Force.pdf
7. Miller, Laura L., Dmitry Khodyakov, Joachim O. Hero, Lisa Wagner, Coreen Farris, Katie Feistel, Emily Dao, Julia Rollison, Rosemary Li, Jamie Ryan, Stephanie Brooks Holliday, Laurie T. Martin, and Amy L. Shearer, Domestic Abuse in the Armed Forces: Improving Prevention and Outreach,RAND Corporation, RR-A1550-1, 2023. As of October 4, 2023: https://www.rand.org/pubs/research_reports/RRA1550-1.html

Elizabeth Duprey, LMHC, is a MacDill regional supervisor and has been with Magellan Federal since 2020, when she started as a school MFLC. Born in Fayetteville, NC, Elizabeth was a “military BRAT” who traveled with her family and even lived overseas. Elizabeth is passionate about providing MFLC services to our service member and their families, as she understands the pressures of military life. Elizabeth received a bachelor’s degree in psychology from Florida Atlantic University and a Master’s in Counselor Education from Florida Atlantic University before becoming a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. With a great passion for helping people, Elizabeth has worked in the field of domestic violence, substance abuse, and juvenile rehabilitation. She now has the honor of working to provide support for military service members and their families.

In her free time, Elizabeth enjoys traveling and photography. She notes both traveling and photography allow her to see the world from a different perspective and to gain a greater appreciation for the differences that make people and places special.

Our world is always fluid, now more than ever, which can bring uncertainty into our daily adult lives. For kids still building core skills to manage life, or what I like to call their “tool bag,” change can be all-consuming.

Being the “new kid” at school is something most of us parents have been through at least once, but I will be the first to admit it has been a very long time (and I’m not willing to share just how long). During the pandemic, I homeschooled my son and when it was time to reenroll in a traditional school, he voiced some concerns about being the new kid at school. I tried to brush the moment over and told him he would be fine, but after he continued to verbalize his internal anxieties, I took a step back and put myself in his shoes. First, I visualized myself starting my new job and remembered what it felt like not to know anyone. I sat with those thoughts for a bit and then I reached way back in my memories from when I was the new kid at school and remember how that felt. It took both activities for me to really see how my son was being impacted by this change. Yes, worrying about changing schools and being the new kid is completely normal, but it doesn’t mean the matter should not be addressed. As a parent, it is important that we listen to our kids, even when we think we don’t have time or that the situation is not really that big of a deal.

Common Concerns of the New Kid at School

• Will the other kids like me?
• Will anyone sit with me at lunch?
• Will I understand what they’re doing in class, or will I be behind in the lessons?
• Will I like my teachers? Will they like me?

What can we do as parents to help ease our kids into their new schools? As a provider who works predominantly with military families that have children who transition schools on average nine times before graduating, I have some ideas:

First and foremost, always remember to share the positives with your child, because I promise they are usually focusing on the scary stuff- the negatives.

Positives of Changing Schools

• You get to make a fresh start.
• You get to make new friends.
• You can get involved in new activities.

Then, communicate with your child the tools they need to be successful during this transition. Give them something to have in their imaginary pocket (imaginary toolbox) and give them what they need to make their way. If it helps, work with them to make a tangible list that they can come back to. I have included a list below to help you out. In my experience, many times kids are just nervous about talking to new people, both their own age and authority figures, such as teachers and other adult helpers. Role-playing some scenarios that they may encounter as the new kid will help build their confidence. Change brings growth, and without growth, we would never have the opportunity to fill our “tool bag” with strengths to manage what’s to come.

Tips for Parents That Can Help with Being the New Kid at School

• Talk about it, remind them that talking about their fears can make them less scary. Let them know that you are available to listen, but also encourage them to share concerns with other safe family members.
• Call the new school ahead of time and set up a tour for both the student and the parents. If your child will ride the bus, take a pre-bus pick-up drive to get a better idea of the bus stop. You could even drive the bus route.
• Visit the school’s website and find out as much as you can about it. You could even make it into a family scavenger hunt. Here are a few ideas of what you could hunt for:
• What are the school’s colors?
• What are the school rules?
• How big is the school?
• What kind of sports activities are available?
• Is there a school newspaper or yearbook?
• What kind of clubs are available?
• Work with the child to pick out their own elective classes, or simply do some research ahead of time so they know who their teachers will be.
• Let the child help pick out their new school supplies, which with help with giving them some control over the new situation and increase positive excitement.
• Encourage your child to take some time to journal their current feelings, as well as reflect on past successes.

Here are suggestions for kids on how to make new friends:

• Smile and be friendly to everyone you meet; this behavior will go a long way.
• Join clubs, get active at school and in your community.
• Participate in sports, both team sports and individual sports
• Take group classes in school, or in the community.
• Spend time at a local park or playground, maybe bring a ball or jump rope with you.
• Be a good listener, everyone appreciates someone who listens.
• Stay positive when talking with others,
• Ask people about themselves, and really try to focus on what they share.
• Accept people as they are, we all have a story.
• Be helpful to others, look for ways to help.
• Give compliments and find ways to make others feel good.

Tips for Kids on How to Talk to New People

• Remember to smile.
• Take a deep breath and jump right in.
• Try to speak slowly.
• Make your voice clear and strong.
• Take your time, there is no need to rush.
• Do your best not to worry about being nervous.

Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, observed annually in September, serves as a crucial reminder of the importance of promoting mental health, offering support, and fostering hope to prevent the tragic loss of lives to suicide. Death by suicide among service members, veterans, and their families is becoming a national crisis. This population is at higher risk for common risk factors, including experiencing a mental health condition and having a physical health problem.

On Thursday, September 7^th, Magellan Federal hosted a webinar, “Suicide Prevention Strategies and Resources for Military Families” focused on the prevalence of suicide in the military and the resources and strategies that can be used to reduce military suicides.

In this Q&A, webinar panelist Jason Kuttner, Magellan Federal’s supervisor for the Adolescent Support and Counseling Service, shares insight into his work with suicide prevention.

Q: What is your role with ASACS and how were you able to develop the Suicide Risk Assessment protocols?

Jason Kuttner: I have been the ASACS Program clinical supervisor for Hawaii since 2018. I’ve been with the program since 2012, first as a counselor in Japan and Germany, then as a clinical supervisor for Asia from 2015-2018. Prior to working with ASACS, I worked in crisis mental health services in Oregon where I had a variety of roles including conducting involuntary commitment investigations, providing emergent crisis counseling services, and helping train law enforcement professionals as part of the CIT (crisis intervention training) program. In these roles, I have worked with countless individuals in mental health crises. I’ve had extensive training in best practices for working with suicidal individuals and I’ve been able to learn from first-hand experience what works to de-escalate crises including implementing wrap-around support to keep people safe in the short and long term.

Q: When discussing suicide prevention how are the needs of a service member or a veteran differ from a civilian?

Kuttner: Suicide rates among veterans are significantly higher than in the civilian population. Veterans are 1.5 times more likely to die by suicide than non-veterans.[1] Reasons for this include high exposure to trauma, stress and burnout, isolation and loneliness, easy access to and familiarity with firearms, and difficulties integrating into civilian life. Active-duty service member suicide rates have been climbing in recent years and are now on par with the general population. One of the most significant challenges with service members is reducing the culture of stigma to access mental health services. There is a perception that accessing mental healthcare may jeopardize a service member’s career opportunities. All the branches of service are working to try to reduce this stigma and to make it easier for service members to seek help when they need it.

Q: In your webinar presentation you mention the need for more community-based prevention. What does community-based prevention look like and why is it needed?

Kuttner: Community-based prevention means simply helping and encouraging people to find ways to connect with others. The most effective of these are not framed as ‘suicide prevention’ per se but are ways for people to find others with common interests to engage with. This can include hiking, recreational sports leagues, motorcycling groups, service work and volunteering, music and arts, spiritual and religious organizations, and basically any kind of hobbies and interests that people can do with others. In person, social connection is an important antidote to mental distress which is often exacerbated by isolation. Increasingly people are connecting online through social media, multiplayer gaming, and other ways. While this seems like a good idea and can be a way to connect with like-minded people, research has been showing a correlation between increasing use of social media with higher rates of depression, anxiety, and loneliness.

Q: Where can a service member, a veteran, or their family go if they feel depressed or are having thoughts of committing suicide?

Kuttner: There is good help there! The 988 mental health crisis and suicide lifeline was rolled out a little over one year ago. The lifeline connects people to local mental health support services including veteran-specific services. You can call or text and help is prompt, confidential, and professional. It is so important to know that there is no shame in having depressed and even suicidal thoughts; these are very common, and most people will have times in their lives when they experience dark thoughts including morbid ruminations. We need to reinforce the message that none of us are alone. Talking to somebody about these thoughts actually helps. The more people who are trained as peer supports to be able to know how to listen and talk to a person who is depressed and possibly suicidal the better. Many communities have access to free suicide prevention training such as ASIST and SafeTalk which are intended to train regular, non-mental health professionals to know how to be there for family members, friends, colleagues, and others who may be experiencing mental distress.

For service members who are worried about the stigma of accessing mental health support, chaplains are professionally trained to provide help and can help service members navigate their thoughts and feelings and help them determine what the next steps are to keep them safe. Also, the MFLC program- military family life counselors- are licensed mental health counselors contracted to provide non-medical counseling to service members and their families. MFLCs provide experienced guidance to help people resolve issues and access additional support if necessary.

Q: What are some barriers that might prevent a service member or a veteran from seeking help?

Kuttner: The most significant barrier is stigma- being worried that asking for help is a sign of weakness or might jeopardize their career or status in some way. It is so important to recognize that life is so much more than this present moment. Most suicidal crises are centered on the view that the circumstances that have led to this moment are not resolvable without an immediate and permanent way out. Sadly, the consequences of suicide have a ripple effect that can profoundly affect hundreds or more people in a person’s life. The crisis that a person is experiencing in the present moment can be overcome and the first step in doing so is letting it out, talking to somebody, and letting another person in to help bring some light into the darkness.

Who should watch this webinar and what would they gain?

Kuttner: Anyone who is interested in learning more should attend. Suicide has impacted or will impact most people at some point in their lives. All of us have times of difficulty and have people in our lives who suffer mental distress. The more we can do to get the word out that help is available and there are things that all of us can do to help ourselves and others in our lives, the better.

If you missed this important webinar, click here to watch the replay: https://www.magellanfederal.com/whats-new/mfed-inform/suicide-prevention-strategies-and-resources-for-military-families/

[1] National Veteran Suicide Prevention Annual Report,  September 2022

This article was originally published on MFed and written by Tristen Wendland, MS, LPC.

When you hear the acronym PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) most think of combat war veterans.  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a fairly new term.  In WWI and WWII it was referred to as shell shock or combat fatigue.  The term was developed in the 1970s after the Vietnam war when servicemembers returned with similar symptoms.  It wasn’t until 1980 that the American Psychiatric Association officially recognized it as a disorder.

According to the National Institute for Mental Health, it is estimated that around 6-7% of the US population will deal with some PTSD in their lifetime.  According to Department of Veterans Affairs, Woman are at higher risk at 8% compared to Men at 4%.   PTSD can be related to natural disaster, a serious accident, terrorist attacks, mass shootings, combat, sexual assault, or other types of violent assault.

While working for Department of Veterans affairs I had the opportunity to work with many combat veterans over my career.  One comes to mind.  He was a young Army veteran who worked in EOD (Explosive Ordnance Disposal).  During his time in the US Army, he was deployed 3 times.  During his last deployment he was injured during a mission when a bomb he was defusing exploded leaving him permanently disfigured and without the use his dominate arm.  After 8 years of skin grafts, multiple surgeries, and ongoing therapy he was ready to discuss returning to school and work.  He applied for Vocational Readiness and Employment through Department of Veterans Affairs CH31 program, and I was assigned his case.  We started off slowly with him only taking 1 class at a time.  Working up to part time school in person was a challenge.  The physical scars on his face and mangled arm were hard to miss.  Over the 5 years that I worked with him I saw him succeed and fail and celebrated his achievements and milestones and encouraged him when he stumbled.  Often having to take breaks when he stubbled back.  What I learned from him is that the will and want to work and succeed is 90% of the battle for people with emotional scars.  His goal was never to be who he was previously but to be who he is today.  A better version of himself who can feel satisfaction from employment even at a part time level.  Success was self-determined, and not dictated by a 40-hour work week or paycheck.

So, when it comes to employment what is the impact on your workforce?  According to the American Psychologic Society, the symptoms of PTSD sometimes cause significant distress for many individuals.  It impacts their social and occupational participation to a degree that is significant.  It can impact their ability to engage in selfcare and home care activities, education, and work roles as well as social and leisure activities.

What can you as an employer do to minimize or accommodate an employee suffering with PTSD? According to US Department of Labor Workers Compensation, Employees may benefit from returning to work on a part‑time basis.  Modified work schedules or shared employment can be beneficial. In terms of workplace accommodations, each person will have specific needs, and you really have to look at accommodations based on that individual. Here are some options:

• Providing instructions or job-related responsibilities in writing as well as verbal instructions.
• Offering additional training or refreshers to assist that individual with some of the memory difficulties.
• Allowing workers to maintain more flexible schedules and being able to take time off for any treatment or appointments that they have to attend.
• Permitting extra time to complete non-urgent tasks.
• Letting employees wear noise canceling headphones to reduce distractions while they’re working.
• Increasing the amount of light in the work environment to help maintain alertness and help them improve concentration.
• Removing any emotional triggers that remind the employee of the trauma that are upsetting (when possible).
• Making sure parking areas are well lit or that security personnel is available to accompany them when walking to a car or unsafe locations in the dark.

According to the Recovery Village, with treatment the prognosis is positive that PTSD symptoms can be managed.  While approximately one-third of people do not achieve full symptom elimination with treatment, most individuals experience a significant reduction in the intensity of their symptoms. It is important to understand when an employee is struggling, and performance is low there maybe underlying issues that can be accommodated or addressed by managers.

Sources:

National Institute of Mental Health. “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)“ https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd .” November 2017. Accessed May 9, 2023.

U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. “How Common Is PTSD in Adults?”  https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/common/common_adults.asp  February 3, 2023. Accessed May 9, 2023.

U.S. Department of Labor Workers Compensation. “How PTSD is Affecting Return to Work” https://www.genexservices.com/insights/workers-comp/blog/how-ptsd-affecting-return-work  August 2019. Accessed May 9, 2023

The Recovery Village. “PTSD Statistics and Facts” https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/ptsd/ptsd-statistics/#:~:text=70%25%20of%20adults%20experience%20at,some%20point%20in%20their%20life  May 2023. Accessed May 9, 2023.

The Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP) provides care and services for military families with special needs – whether that is an adult or child. The program has served over 55,000 Army EFMP family members across a total of 32 locations within and outside of the continental U.S. In this Q&A with Magellan Federal senior program analyst Brandon Greenwood, we learn more about the important work with special needs families.

How does EFMP work?

Greenwood: There are three components to EFMP: Medical, Human Resource Command HRC(Assignments), and Family Support. Magellan System Navigators fall under the Family Support umbrella where we offer non-clinical case management to our clients. We provide support to soldiers and their dependents to make their transition to and from their duty stations as seamless as possible all the while providing support groups, educational workshops, Individualized Education Plans (IEP) assistance, and bringing exciting and inclusive special events to our population.

What are System Navigators?

Greenwood: System Navigators take the guesswork out of locating services in a brand-new environment for our clients, by forming relationships with community partners and service providers and connecting them to our service members and their families.

Clients are encouraged to collaborate with their Systems Navigator (SN) to create a service plan so that their individual goals are taken into account. A goal for our SNs is for them to empower our families to be the best advocate for their Exceptional Family Members as they can. We want to equip them with as many tools and as much knowledge about EFMP as possible so when they relocate, they are better prepared and informed for what may come.

How does this help families with children?

Greenwood: Our Systems Navigators also assist families with a dependent who has a special educational need with their Individualized Education Plans. SNs are trained in Wrightslaw Special Education and are able to educate parents and caregivers about their child’s IEP, point out inconsistencies, correct language that may not be beneficial to the child, and also attend the meeting with the family in a support role.

Wrightslaw is a training course that provides the knowledge build-up for Special Education Law and Advocacy.  It helps the System Navigator to better understand the challenges our EFMP families experience each day in the school system.

Our SNs play a large role in the planning and execution of special events. There are several events across all our military bases, however, most of those events aren’t inclusive for those with special needs. The EFMP family support program, along with the help of our SNs, create themed special events that are sensory-friendly and created with our EFMP families in mind. These events have become so popular that many sites have made them open to the entire base.

How can someone get connected to the EFMP?

Greenwood: To learn more about EFMP and the support available to your family, reach out to your local EFMP Family Support office. EFMP Family Support providers play a critical role in providing information, referral, family needs assessments, and family service plans to help you achieve the goals that are unique to your family.

Source: MilitaryOneSource