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Focus on joy for happier holidays

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The holiday season is a time for celebration, but it can also cause feelings of stress, grief, anxiety and sadness. Whether it’s feeling pressured to create the perfect holiday, navigating family dynamics or dealing with loneliness and/or social anxiety, this time of year can be challenging.

Tips for experiencing happier holidays:

  1. Check in with yourself: Acknowledging and validating your feelings can help you address negative emotions and make space for positive ones. Taking a step back ensures you don’t become overwhelmed.
  2. Engage in self-care activities: Prioritizing activities that enhance your wellbeing, such as exercise, adequate sleep, nutritious food, reading or a relaxing bath, can help you find moments of joy during the holiday busyness.
  3. Volunteer and connect: Helping others can be a powerful way to lift your spirits. Volunteering at events like food, toy and winter clothing drives can help you meet new people, overcome feelings of loneliness and increase your overall positivity and health.
  4. Create meaningful traditions: Establishing new ways to celebrate can bring comfort and joy. Whether it’s celebrating at a different location, preparing a special dish or honoring the memory of a loved one, creating unique memories can foster a positive outlook.
  5. Seek professional support: If you find yourself struggling, therapists and counselors can provide valuable tools to help you manage emotions, family trauma or stress and cope with grief.

It’s normal to experience a range of emotions during the holidays. By prioritizing your mental health, embracing new traditions and taking care of yourself, you can focus on moments of joy.

Find additional information and resources at MagellanHealthcare.com/2024-Holidays.



Holiday Stress Toolkit for Military Families

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Co-authored by Christi Garner, LMFT CYT

Stress around the holidays is a common experience. According to the American Psychological Association, 38% of adults report a significant increase in stress levels during the holidays. Military families may experience additional sources of stress related to the unique challenges of military life, including:

  • Deployment of the service member
  • Living far from hometowns or families
  • Being unable to take leave to travel to be with friends or family
  • Financial stress

Utilizing the self-care practices below, along with connecting with a Military and Family Life Counselor (MFLC), can provide much-needed support to service members and their families during the holiday season.

Tips for Navigating the Holidays During Deployment

Sometimes being with family is not possible during the holidays, even when the service member is not deployed. Feeling homesick or missing home during the holidays is very common. Here are some ways to connect with family and friends during deployment:

  • Communicate as much as possible; schedule time to connect and virtually exchange presents and stories.
  • Think of creative ways to continue family traditions during deployment—reenact them virtually or share through pictures.
  • To support children of deployed parents, consider facilitating activities through arts and crafts, such as creating a “feelings tree.”
  • Facilitate psychoeducation about mindfulness, which is linked to improve personal stress management.
  • Use the Chill Drills app from Military OneSource.

Tips for Handling Holiday Financial Stress

The holidays can be an especially expensive and demanding time. Here are some tips to consider to help plan for common financial pressures:

  • Set a S.M.A.R.T money goal—Write down your goal, and make sure it is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Reasonable, and the Time you will complete it. This will help you get it accomplished.
  • For more help—Find a Personal Financial Counselor here.

Food Insecurity Resources

Many military families find it difficult to access healthy meals and maintain a high level of food security. Use these resources to connect with viable resources.

Tips for Holiday Stress Management

Resilience refers to the ability to handle stress when it arises and to protect oneself against future stress. Research has shown that there are many qualities that contribute to resilience, including social support, optimism, sense of humor, spirituality, self-esteem, and adaptability. Use the tips below to foster resilience in your life during the holidays.

Self-Care To Build Resilience

  • Self-care also means taking care of yourself. This means eating regular meals, getting enough sleep, caring for personal hygiene, and anything else that maintains good health.
  • Make self-care a priority. There will always be other things to do, but don’t let these interrupt the time you set aside for self-care. Self-care should be given the same importance as other responsibilities.
  • Make self-care a habit. Just like eating one apple doesn’t eliminate health problems, using self-care just once won’t have much effect on reducing stress. Choose activities that you can do often, and that you will stick with.
  • Unhealthy activities don’t count as self-care. Substance use, over-eating, and other unhealthy behaviors might hide stress temporarily, but they cause more problems in the long run.
  • A few minutes of self-care is better than no self-care. Set an alarm reminding you to take regular breaks, even if it’s just a walk around the block, or an uninterrupted snack. Oftentimes, stepping away will energize you to work more efficiently when you return.

Relaxation to Build Resilience

  • There are many ways to practice relaxation and help to regulate your parasympathetic nervous system. Some ideas: progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, deep breathing, being in nature.
  • Plan where relaxation can fit into a daily routine. It may help to set an alarm as a reminder or connect relaxation practice with another activity. For example, practicing deep breathing for 10 minutes before bed or after leaving work on the drive home or in the driveway before going inside.
  • Keep practicing even if the positive effects are small. The benefits of relaxation accumulate and grow with practice.
  • Relaxation techniques not only provide immediate stress relief, but the effects also generalize to other parts of life. This means the benefits of relaxation continue to be felt long after the exercise is complete. These techniques work best when done regularly and during times of calm, rather than exclusively when stress is at its peak.

Self-Regulation Resources

Military OneSource Recommended Wellness Apps

  • Mood Hacker—To help you improve your mood and enjoy life more, Military OneSource offers MoodHacker, a free resilience tool that lets you track, understand and improve how you’re feeling.
  • Breathe2Relax—Trains you on the “belly breathing” technique that has proven benefits for your overall mental health. Use the app’s breathing exercises to learn and practice on your own or as part of a stress management program supervised by your health care provider.
  • Chill Drills—Chill Drills is a free collection of simple audio mindfulness exercises to relax the body and mind.
  • Virtual Hope Box—The app contains simple tools to help users with coping, relaxation, distraction and positive thinking using personalized audio, video, pictures, games, mindfulness exercises, activity planning, inspirational quotes and coping statements.
  • Breathe, Think, Do: Sesame Street—Laugh and learn as you help a Sesame Street monster friend calm down and solve everyday challenges. This app helps your child learn Sesame’s Breathe, Think, Do strategy for problem solving.

Stress Relief Resources

Sources

  • Dunham, T. (2022). “When the Tinsel Gets Tangled: How to Cope with Holiday Stress.” DoD Psychological Center for Excellence, Health.mil.
  • Rice, V. J., Liu, B., Allison, S. C., & Schroeder, P. J. (2019). Mindfulness training offered in-person and in a virtual world—weekly self-reports of stress, energy, pain, and sleepiness among US military active duty and veteran personnel. Mindfulness,10, 1815-1827.
  • Grafton, E., Gillespie, B., & Henderson, S. (2010) Resilience: the power withing. Oncology Nursing forum (Vol. 37, No. 6, p. 698).
  • Rash, J. A., Matsuba, M. K., & Prkachin, K. M. (2011). Gratitude and well‐being: Who benefits the most from a gratitude intervention?. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 3(3), 350-369.
  • Esch, T., & Stefano, G. B. (2010). The neurobiology of stress management. Neuroendocrinology letters, 31(1), 19-39.

    Christi Garner, LMFT CYTChristi Garner, LMFT CYT, is a Learning & Development Director at Magellan Federal. Christi has served in the Military and Family Life Counseling (MFLC) program since 2016 in various roles, including CONUS and OCONUS MFLC, Regional Supervisor, and training coordinator. Prior to MFLC, Christi dedicated over 15 years as a trauma therapist, clinical trainer, and adjunct instructor. Christi is a military spouse who is passionate about helping other service members and families.



DocTalk: Dr. Candice Tate Shares Five Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries During the Holiday Season

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Walk into any store after Halloween and you more than likely will see the twinkle of holiday lights, trees, and decorations that quickly remind us that the Christmas season is upon us. For some, these reminders are a welcomed sight, and, for others, these reminders may trigger feelings of stress.

One way to help ease stress levels can be by setting healthy boundaries. Magellan Healthcare’s medical director Candice Tate, MD, MBA, shares advice on the importance of setting healthy boundaries during the holiday season.

Q: What are some factors that you feel are adding to stress this holiday season?

Dr. Tate: I think people are still trying to get that pre-pandemic holiday spirit back. People feel overworked and underpaid. Many stressors do not seem to have a deadline or an endpoint. This is also the time when people tend to mourn the loss of loved ones or feel emotional because they are unable to attend family gatherings.

Q: What are the steps to setting healthy boundaries during the holiday season?

Dr. Tate:

  1. What are your needs and/or what are your stressors? This first step is important because it is difficult for others to know what you need and what stresses you. This can be effective by focusing on your top five.
  2. You should expect resistance from others because your needs may conflict with their needs. This can be a challenging step in establishing boundaries for that reason. This is also challenging because you are imposing a change from past behavior.
  3. You must communicate the boundaries and any subsequent changes. This may result in uncomfortable discussions and possibly conflict, but this is a necessary step in establishing boundaries. This is important for the people who will be directly impacted by the changes.
  4. You must be consistent with the boundaries and hold yourself accountable. Others may intentionally or unintentionally challenge your new rules and habits. It is important to stand firm and remind others of what has been discussed. For this step, practice makes perfect. The longer you are consistent in reinforcing your boundaries, the more beneficial the boundaries will become.
  5. Be prepared to distance yourself if necessary. On occasion someone may wholly reject your boundaries and object to any change. That is okay for them to do, and it is okay for you to distance yourself from the person or the situation. The boundary has been created to provide you with peace of mind and protection.

Q: What are examples of healthy boundaries? Is this important for both adults and children? How so?

Dr. Tate: An example of a healthy boundary during the holidays is setting a budget. Many people are faced with financial challenges due to rising costs of food and gifts. Many people feel that their disposable income has decreased over the past few years. Setting a budget for holiday spending to include gifts, decor, travel, and entertainment is a form of a boundary. Overspending causes anxiety, depression, and relationship problems. A budget can be beneficial for an individual and/or a family. It can be shared electronically or on paper, and it can be discussed with significant others and children. This allows for spending a certain amount, managing expectations, sparking creativity, and establishing new standards for the holidays.

The holiday season is an optimal time to take a social media break as another example. Recent reports in the news highlight how social media harms teenagers and children. Not only is this information not new, but we also know that social media negatively affects adults too. This is an opportunity to disconnect from what others are doing (or pretending to do) and allows you the space to focus on your values and the needs of your family.

There is so much pressure for us to experience a certain type of holiday season that usually includes overspending, indulgence, and being happy about it. Establishing boundaries is an opportunity to show yourself and your children that you can create positive and meaningful memories by doing things that suit your family based on your means and your values.



Using One Word to Take a New Approach to Change in the New Year

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As we approach the holidays, our minds are filled with to-do lists of people to see, activities to participate in, and events to attend. It’s also a time that many begin thinking of changes they would like to make in the coming year. Sayings such as “New Year, New You” have become embedded in our lexicon, and making resolutions is an annual tradition even though most resolutions are not kept past the end of January (Statista, 2023). While keeping resolutions may not have a high success rate, there is still a way to incorporate change as we head into the new year.

The One Word concept is an alternative approach to making resolutions. Instead of creating a specific goal, you pick a word to focus on the entire year. The word then becomes a filter and guide, helping you to grow in unexpected ways throughout the year.

For example, if you would like to improve your financial stability, you may choose the word, Intention. From there, you would consider how to be intentional with your money and what steps you could take to improve your financial situation. Going deeper, you may start to think about how to be intentional in your daily decisions, the dreams you pursue, and the time you spend as it relates to the financial stability you want to achieve.

Choosing one word to focus on can guide every aspect of your life and because of its simplicity, it is much easier to stick with than a list of resolutions. According to Gordon, Britton, & Page, “One Word creates clarity, power, passion, and life-change. The simple power of One Word is that it impacts all six dimensions of your life – mental, physical, emotional, relational, spiritual, and financial” (Gordon, J., Britton, D., & Page, J., 2023).

For a successful One Word journey, follow these tips.

  • Begin by making a list of five to ten possible words.
  • Narrow your list to 3-5 words and look up the definitions, synonyms, and antonyms.
  • Give yourself about a week to think about the words.
  • Choose your word. One may seem to jump out at you, or one may seem to scream “not me”. Any word you choose has the capacity to help you grow if you focus on it for an entire year.
  • Make your word visible. Create a poster with your word, definition, and a quote, use the word as a screen saver, get a bracelet or key chain with your word, write it on post it notes, and/or write it in your planner every week.
  • Commit to journaling about your word at least once per week using online journal prompts. Focus on how you are implementing your word in your health, finances, spiritual journey, etc.
  • Share your journey with a trusted person to help you keep focused.
  • Remain open and curious about how your word can apply to every area of your life.
  • Write a beginning of the year reflection focusing on how you think your word will change you in different areas. Then write an end of the year summary about what actually happened.
  • Enjoy the journey!

Additional One Word resources: https://getoneword.com/ and https://myoneword.org/.



Presence: The Best Holiday Present

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Our brains are constantly thinking of things we need to accomplish. There are milestones and deadlines at work. At home, there are responsibilities, friends, and families that deserve our attention. Adding to the normal demands and stressors of life, the holiday season is right around the corner.

The holidays bring connection and joy but also a need for decorations, travel arrangements, and planning. Families strive to truly capitalize on their precious opportunity for leave. Military families with a loved one on deployment are considering how this year may feel a little off and are thinking about what they can do to still make it special.

Managing Demands During the Holidays

Thinking of the many demands upon us, it’s easy to see how the feeling of holiday cheer can be overtaken by unpleasant emotions such as anxiety. We can feel drained as we are trying to navigate a conversation or two while simultaneously taking care of some task. It’s in the depleted, attention-divided state that feeling overwhelmed can occur. While common, this doesn’t need to be the case. Instead of letting the holidays pass you by with a sense of overwhelm, give yourself the present of presence by setting boundaries. Here’s how.

  • Identify priorities—When you identify what is most important to you, you can be more intentional about focusing your time, energy, and effort. Prioritize your activities and narrow your focus by considering what you value the most. Whether it’s cooking a special dish, arranging the décor just right, or meaningful conversations with someone, you can focus your time and attention where you most desire.
  • Create boundaries—This may seem limiting at first, but boundaries actually create the opportunity to dedicate yourself fully to what you care about most. Setting boundaries means giving yourself permission to say no to events, certain traditions, or just the pressure to do it all. At times, this can be challenging because we may feel like we’re missing out: however, although we are not doing everything, we are able to get more out of the things we do.
  • Be in the moment—Once you create boundaries, it will enable you to fully bring yourself to the moment. Your thoughts, energy, and attention are present in the moment; you have a sense of complete engagement in what you’re doing, and a greater sense of awareness in each precise activity. When having a conversation, you are truly listening, empathizing, and being aware of each other’s presence. Whether you agree or disagree on a particular topic, you seek to understand and appreciate that person.

The Value of Being Present

When we are mindful, life’s special moments come alive. Noticing the smirk someone gives. Savoring the flavor of each bite. Basking in the bustling of sounds around. Indulging in the pleasures and joys with abandon. This is where we connect, where we create the bonds and memories that last far longer than anyone’s awareness of how clean the house was that day, if we were five minutes late, or if we forgot that critical dish.

Understanding what we value most and leveraging boundaries to reserve our resources gives us the power to be present in the moments that matter. This is the most precious present we can give others…and ourselves.

Happy Present Holidays!